How To Avoid Power Struggles With Children

Power struggles with children are those situations in which a child refuses to do something and the parent keeps insisting that they do it. What can start as a joke, an inappropriate reaction, a misunderstanding or a lack of enthusiasm can end in a real battle.

Worst of all, children begin to take a liking to these power struggles, especially when they discover that, at the very least, they have the ability to provoke their parents or other adults.

For children, power struggles are a way of delaying homework. While arguing, they are delaying what to do and, in turn, they are trying to avoid that task. In addition, they are testing what they can achieve. As long as they achieve something they will continue to provoke those struggles. They are his way of trying to command.

In any case , the longer the fight lasts, the more difficult it becomes to get the child to do what has been asked of him and the more likely it is that adults will lose their temper. Therefore, fueling the fight is useless. Parents’ mission is to regain control as soon as possible. The following strategies will be very helpful in avoiding these power struggles with your children.

Decide well what your battles will be

It is inevitable that sooner or later children will rebel and want to impose their will. However, it is not always necessary for the battle to take place. Instead, it may be an excellent option to let children bear the consequences of their actions.

Children have to learn to be responsible. They have to do things not because their parents order them, but because that action responds to an obligation or a need. The child has to understand why he has to comply. So you need to understand why you should do things and what will happen if you don’t. In this sense, the rules have to be clear.

Don’t want to do your homework? Don’t want to pick up your room? Don’t want to brush your teeth? Don’t you want to go to bed? Whatever situation leads to a fight, it can be avoided simply by reminding you of what will happen if you don’t.

Many children will prefer to try to see what happens. Parents need to be strong enough to let it happen, especially if the consequences or punishment is to come from outside (for example, in the case of homework).

Posing the fight as the resolution of a conflict

Why does the child refuse to do what is asked of him? Sometimes children don’t understand why they have to do things. In fact, “because I said so” is the easiest way to start the fight.

Behind a child who does not want to do something there can be many reasons. Perhaps the child does not know how to do what is asked of him or is focused on something else that simply interests him more. Often times, taking the time to resolve the problem avoids many struggles later.

In addition, in this way we can also better understand our child’s point of view and make him understand the importance of certain tasks. On the other hand , we give you the opportunity to explain yourself. Their reasons should make us reflect on whether what we really ask of the child is logical, proportionate, and even fair.

Offer options

One way to avoid the power struggle is to choose between two options to do the same task. In this way we are helping the child to make a decision without forcing him to do so at a specific time and / or in a specific way.

Using this strategy when possible allows the child to have some control, so the power struggle makes less sense, since, although he knows that he has to do the task, he has the option of controlling part of the situation.

A single warning

There is a popular saying that two do not fight if one does not want to.  If the child insists on not obeying, a single warning, carried out calmly and deliberately, should suffice. Be the one who does not want to. If there is no reaction to the warning, you have to let him suffer the consequences.

But just a warning. If you keep insisting, the child will have part of the control. You will like that. For a little while he will be the one who dominates the situation, which will get worse and worse. If he doesn’t comply the first time, do what you have to do, be it a negative consequence or the loss of a privilege.