The Consequences Of Having A Favorite Child
When you have several children, feeling more affinity for one of them is common and sometimes unavoidable. However, having a favorite child can negatively affect the entire family dynamic, generating sequelae in all infants.
Have a favorite child
Parents are human beings and, therefore, we can feel predilection towards one of our children for various reasons. It is common for the favorite child to be the oldest or the youngest. We can also feel closer to some of our children because their character is more akin to ours.
The most cheerful, affectionate, sweet, and generally easy-to-raise children can easily become their parents’ favorites. But it can also be the case that parents turn more to the most difficult or special needs sibling, neglecting the rest.
Whatever the case, it is our duty to be balanced and equally loving and available to all of our children. It is our responsibility to provide them with healthy personal development that will be seriously undermined if parents distinguish between siblings.
The consequences for siblings
- Children who do not receive the same support from their parents as their siblings will feel that they do not have the right to receive parental care. They will learn to be withdrawn and reserved, and not to express their problems.
- Upon perceiving the preference for their brother, the rest of the children will begin to feel a certain rejection and distrust towards their parents. They will tend to seek support and affection outside the home, and can become dependent in adulthood.
- Underdog children can develop bad behavior in order to get the attention they feel they lack. Whether at home or at school, they can develop disruptive behavior.
- Knowing, in a way, rejected by their main attachment figures, these children will suffer from low self-esteem and an inability to compete. They will not feel capable of achieving their goals or find motivation to pursue them.
- The relationship between siblings will be profoundly affected by parental preference for one of them. The underdog child will feel jealousy and resentment towards the favorite, and will be unable to develop a healthy, loving and supportive bond with him.
The consequences for the favorite son
Despite the fact that, generally, the most affected are the siblings, the ‘right eye’ will also suffer the consequences of this unbalanced parent-child relationship.
- This little boy will feel strongly the animosity on the part of his brothers, who will see him as a threat. The home environment will be competitive and not welcoming. You may even feel that the other children are conspiring against you.
- The favorite son will feel great pressure due to the high expectations that his parents have placed on him and not on his siblings. You will not feel the same freedom to make mistakes and live your own life, you will grow conditioned by your preferred role.
- Sometimes parents are too permissive and lenient with this child. Thus, it can grow without limits, rules or consequences to its actions. This will make you feel lost and make it difficult for you to tolerate frustration as you grow older.
- Being aware of his privileged position, the little one may feel that he has his parents eating from his hand. Thus, he will not hesitate to take advantage of this situation by claiming, demanding and recharging the blame on his brothers. Growing up, you are likely to become self-centered.
What can I do to not have a favorite child?
As we have said, it is human to feel more connection or affinity with some of our children. The important thing is to be aware and responsible, avoiding making distinctions and ensuring a fair and harmonious environment at home.
We have to include all our children in family plans, even being able to propose that each week a child be the one to suggest the activity to be carried out. However, it is also appropriate to spend time alone with each of the little ones, offering them our exclusive attention.
Under no circumstances is it to be compared to the brothers; each child has their virtues and qualities that make them unique. Be fair in dealing with them: show them the same love and discipline, without distinction.
