The Displaced Father Syndrome
The expected moment has arrived: your baby was born. As a parent, you have dreamed of this moment many times, but sometimes the reality is a little different than what you imagined.
If you feel invisible, unacknowledged, and somewhat isolated, you may be suffering from displaced parent syndrome. Do not despair, taking into account some considerations, you will be able to overcome it in a short time.
Causes of displaced parent syndrome
The hospital commotion is over: they were somewhat chaotic moments, without much time to enjoy the newborn. You, your partner and your baby are already home. At last you will be able to enjoy your child more and begin to create that bond that you long for. Although it may happen that it is still not possible to do so.
Visitors do not stop coming, they want to meet the new member of the family. They all pick him up, worry about the mother and make you come and go without giving you a break. No one yet realizes that you have just become a father too and that you need some time alone with your baby.
It is logical that the mother takes the most credit, since she put the body, the effort and carried out the hardest work. But you also dedicated yourself and put everything on your part to make it the best pregnancy possible. You were also there to provide the support your partner needed all the time.
Also, it occurs when you want to have a space with your baby, say a few words. When you want to lay him on your chest so that he also recognizes your heartbeat or when you want to lull him to sleep and rest next to him but you can’t.
The reasons that prevent it can be:
- People keep coming to your house.
- The mother is sensitive and cannot detach from him.
- Your relatives tell you how to take it, when and why not to do it in certain situations.
- You have so much to do that your parental plans are taking a back seat.
How to avoid and make the displaced father syndrome disappear?
Take control of the situation. Today there are many communication channels and you can inform your family and friends of the best time for them to pay you a visit.
Both you and your partner will be exhausted, and more visits mean more work. Create a WhatsApp group, send photos of the newborn and the mother so that everyone can stay calm.
You could also organize a small gathering, in a week or two, so that you can go and welcome the baby. This way you will avoid that they are arriving hour after hour and, without being their intention, interrupting the paternal moment you need.
Another good idea is to assign tasks. You are going to hear many times: “Whatever you need, let me know.” Well, listen to them and express your needs to them. It can be going to buy diapers or prepare something to eat. Even accompanying your partner while you lay the baby down, whatever helps to lessen your burden.
Maintain communication with your partner
You probably don’t want to overwhelm her with what’s happening to you and that’s very considerate of you. However, so that you do not feel the displaced father syndrome, it is necessary for her to understand that you need time with your baby.
Very soon you will have to go back to your daily obligations and the time to bond with your child will be shortened even more. Therefore, you must express your needs as a parent.
Divide the tasks; obviously you can’t breastfeed him, but you can change his diaper or clothes, for example. You can also make him sleep when he wakes up at night. Once she recovers from the delivery, she can do other things while you take care of the baby.
Your little one has heard your voice during pregnancy, whisper in his ear to recognize you. You will see that it is easy to create a link with him; hug it, you just need time. Make yourself your place and don’t expect others to do it for you. Finally: do not get frustrated and enjoy this beautiful stage of their lives.
