To All Those Who Call Me A “bad Mother”

To all those who call me a “bad mother” just because I allow my children to get dirty, fall and get up and to those who criticize me because I still carry my children …  They should know that I am the best mother in the world for my children and that no one has the right to label me.

The term “bad mother” is very topical. We found spaces with this name on social networks and very recently, the American comedy “Bad Moms” was released. In it, the social pressure that women sometimes feel to achieve perfection in all areas of their life is reflected, and where every aspect related to upbringing is put under the glass of a magnifying glass.

The syndrome of the “bad mother” acquires today a greater relevance due to the pressure of social networks. There are many moms who when uploading an image of themselves to social networks breastfeeding a 5-year-old child, or kissing their children on the lips, are instantly tagged with this very topical word.

We invite you to reflect on it.

The obligation to be “perfect”

Today’s woman is obliged to carry out multiple roles, and all of them must be achieved successfully. A few decades ago our grandmothers and many of our mothers were educated with a single purpose: to be good housewives.

That meant, of course, being perfect wives, good cooks, and loving and wise moms.  Today, the spectrum of responsibilities has become much larger:

• We must be good professionals in our jobs
• Have a good circle of friends
• Fit in a size 38 or 40 and keep us young and spectacular

• Be independent
• We must take care of our personal growth
• Have a partner who values ​​our efforts and who is an affectionate and understanding lover
• Do sport
• Keep studying to train
• Be good cooks and have the house always in perfect condition and spotless
• And of course, to be perfect mothers capable of raising brilliant children and capable of succeeding in this complex world.

All of this are undoubtedly dimensions that many moms often feel in their closest surroundings. In the event that a woman becomes obsessed with achieving all this magical and impossible conjunction, the only thing she will achieve is suffering.

Hence, we must relativize many of these social pressures that have little realistic and much marketing.  No mom can follow this rhythm of life, where to go from the gym to work, later to kindergarten, then to language classes, make a wonderful dinner and get our 4-year-old son to learn to read as soon as possible because in this way, We will guarantee the success of your academic future.

It is not real or at least it is not possible 7 days a week . We now propose to analyze in detail why you are not a “bad mother”. What’s more, you are a great mother and no one has the right to say otherwise.

Reasons why you are not a “bad mother”

First of all, we have to be intuitive when faced with this type of social construction where there is a clear stereotype. All the pressure is projected towards the woman, at no time have we read or heard the term “bad parents”. Somehow, there is still a gender component that needs to be broken down: parenting is a matter of two.

However, in case of being a single parent family, it is also common to have a support network where to distribute some responsibility. So, we have to categorically dismantle this expression or, on the contrary, feel proud of being “bad mothers” because in reality, we are doing it well.

You are not a bad mother if you dedicate moments of the day to yourself

Nobody has the right to criticize you for leaving your children with your partner, family and friends and enjoying a moment to yourself. In fact, it is necessary that we continue to cultivate our personal growth, because if you are well, you will give the best of yourself to others.

No one has the right to criticize the type of parenting you carry out

How you raise your children is up to you and your partner. You know that with any problem you have the support of your pediatrician, so outside of this circle, nobody cares if you extend breastfeeding to 5 years or if you respect the rhythms of your children without any rush to remove the diaper or to get eat solids as soon as possible.

Your child has his own times and you understand them. No one should criticize you for it.

The “perfect mother” does not exist

The perfect mom does not exist. There is a mother present who learns from her mistakes, who strives every day to make her children happy and who also does not neglect herself, because in addition to being a mother, she is a woman, a partner, a daughter, a friend and a person.

It is just about enjoying every moment of our lives without being carried away by external pressures, offering quality time to our children and allowing us to grow with them too.

Being a mother is something that each woman lives at her own pace and in her own way, and as long as there is happiness, no one has the right to sanction or label. To broaden the topic, do not hesitate to consult books such as  “Have a coffee with yourself”  by Walter Dresel or  “We want happy children” by Silvia Álava.